We’ve been fighting all week.
On the 20th we had completely ran out of money. The first bank transfers expected by the end of the month…
It’s Saturday, and I came to stay at my aunt’s den, as she is now in Moscow.
Arriving here, Juicy sent me a message telling me she’d not been able to withdraw from any ATM, and she absolutely needed money for food shopping.
So we had to borrow 200 euros from my mother to get through this goddamn week.
It hurts like hell.
I feel lonely, useless, failed.
And I’m pissed at Juicy, of course.
I’m blaming her for making me feel this way.
We could have borrowed the 200 from MG even without raising such a fuss.
I’m doing constructive things, which require serenity of mind, determination and faith.
Why drag yourself down and throw shit on each-other because we have to bite the bullet a little?
Careful here: I do not underestimate how serious the situation is.
But what can be done?
I believe that the more serious the situation, the more calm we must remain.
My time, I seem to have used it constructively lately.
I went to the CAF to do the ISEE.
I’ve attended two bank appointments to agree on a debt repayment plan.
I’ve started practicing yoga again. And for the first time in my life I’m doing it EVERY DAY.
I’ve activated THREE websites, one of which specifically dedicated to finding work as a yoga teacher.
I immediately sent dozens of emails to yoga centers all around town to advertise it and offer myself as a teacher.
The first assignment started after only two weeks at a very popular joint.
Meanwhile, I’ve made preliminary arrangements with another stunning place, and just yesterday we defined the start of a collaboration starting in May / June. Which promises to continue and grow next year.
I activated an account as a private teacher on a site dedicated to professional services. I received and answered tons of requests. Unfortunately, none has monetised yet, but this is a very difficult market and I knew it from the start.
I started shooting videos and taking pictures to use as promotional and educational material.
In perspective, I’m also perusing how to make my main commercial website – witch boasts a prestigious domain – an on-demand educational portal on dynamic yoga, open to professional teachers to add their own personal profile, with ratings based on experience and an e-commerce section.
In all this, I continue with my check-in / check-out assignments with BnB, though less than before, more compatibly with my other occupations.
I make breakfast, get ready and take Brisky to the kid’s school every morning.
I tidy and clean up house as much as I can. (Upper floor every day, living room every day, kitchen almost every day). 6/7 even I do the shopping and I cook. (well).
I mean, I don’t think I really deserve to be kicked in the ass that hard.
Then I can also understand Juicy.
Mothers have this security-seeking instinct. An dry bank account triggers sirens of famine, epidemic, Apocalypse …
Plus there’s the desire to have a second child. Which seems like madness in these murky waters.
But Brisky wants it so much.
She wants to see her mother with a big belly, she demands it every day.
Reminds me of myself and how much I longed for a little brother…
All in all, from here, I have the feeling that what was much needed was a bit of a distance.
I’m fortunate to have this refuge at hand.
This isn’t home, but the apartment has an exceptional bonus: a large window overlooking a busy street, and behind the busy street, the park.
Few things are more relaxing. It feels like camping in the park, but wrapped into a blanket of comfort.
It’s sunset. A Japanese woman with glasses sweeps by pedalling softly on her oversize bike.
Every car that passes sends me a reflection of the sun like a kiss of light.
Feature foto: Ryan McGinley, Evidence of Fun 42